Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
3/19/10
2/20/10
Mammogram Nightmare
A friend sent this to me and I can relate. How many of us have visions of something like this happening?
POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM!!!!!
I went for my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!'
This perky, clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?
I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'
Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door.
'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.' Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.
And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.'
'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved goodbye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh, I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'
'And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.' :-
POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM!!!!!
I went for my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!'
This perky, clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?
I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'
Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door.
'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.' Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.
And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.'
'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved goodbye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh, I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'
'And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.' :-
2/3/10
Pants On The Ground (My Version)
(Sung to the tune of "Pants On The Ground")
Snow on the ground
Snow on the ground
Lookin’ real pretty with the snow on the ground
With the slush on the porch
Bush turned sideways
Pants hit the ground
The hill is really slick
Lookin’ like a fool
When my pants hit the ground
Me on the ground
Me on the ground
Gettn’ real tired of the snow on the ground
I created this version when I realized that my butt was a perfect fit for the tire track of the tractor that was scraping the drive way and I didn't need a sled! People...I am a professional...DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!!
1/5/10
11/21/09
11/19/09
How Pumpkin Pies Are Made!
Just in time for the Holidays...the truth about pumpkin pies! Enjoy...LOL!
11/18/09
11/12/09
Freaky Friday!!
OK...Halloween is over but the people down the road haven't figured that out yet. Here is what you see when you go by their house and it's even Freakier at night!!!!
What not to do!
I worked in a warehouse many years ago and saw several forklift accidents but nothing to this degree.
11/3/09
10/31/09
10/27/09
10/20/09
10/16/09
10/13/09
9/8/09
8/21/09
8/9/09
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